On washing dishes

"After enlightenment? The dishes."

-- Anonymous (probably female) Buddhist practitioner

I don't know much about enlightenment, but after several decades on Earth I do know a thing or two about washing dishes. As a teenager I hated it. As a young adult I avoided it. As an overworked parent I dreaded it. Now, as autumn approaches, and the minutes grow longer as the years disappear, washing dishes each day has become a daily meditation, far surpassing more popular versions.

Some advantages of dish washing

1. A ready supply of mediation materials is willingly provided for you each day.
2. There is no need to purchase incense, mats, towels, magazines, CDs, designer clothing.
3. Few will bother you during your practice. In fact they may of their own initiative leave you completely in peace whenever you meditate.
4. Your life partner will be glad you meditate. They may even brag about your steadfast practice to friends. Talk about good karma!
5. There is no need to drive to a dojo or heath club and sit in a crowd of sweating and silly strangers. Additionally, if by chance you burp or fart, no one will notice, and your meditation can continue without embarrassment. Additionally, you get to choose the music.
6. You will not waste hard earned money on goofy books by Deepak Chopra.
7. Your hands, dishes and kitchen will be cleaner.
8. Your thoughts will be purer.
9. Your life will be better.

The Posture

As with all martial arts, master dish washing begins with the correct posture. This is not a time to slouch! Center yourself before the sink, balancing lightly upon both feet with your knees slightly bent. Your weight should be a little more on the balls of your feet than your heals. Your head should be held high with the chin slightly tucked. Your neck should be relaxed. Bring your stomach in.

Breath softly through your nose using your diaphragm. Slowly loosen your shoulders, stretching them back and down, then relax. Relax your jaw and smile very slightly at the corners of your eyes and mouth. This smile should be only inwardly visible.

This posture increases stamina, prevents stretched tendons, strengthens your core, relaxes the upper back and neck, and prevents a host of other maladies commonly afflicting the uninitiated.

The Water

One of the original four elements, water is an incredible substance.

Water is a combination of oxygen (a catalyst) and hydrogen (an explosive), but combined into water these two elements put out fire.

Water is the only molecule known to expand as it freezes, thus creating the strange phenomenon of floating ice. Scientists theorise that the existence of floating ice in the primeval oceans may have created the novel conditions within which life on Earth began.

Water is the universal solvent, capable of cleaning up dirty dishes, foolish civilisations, and entire planets.

When in its liquid form water is gentle, yet given enough time it gradually wears down the mightiest mountains.

We are water. Water make up over 70% of the human body.

For all these reasons and more, use water wisely.

The Sink

Fill your sink with just enough water and a little dish washing liquid. As the sink fills, add dirty dishes. Carefully minimise wasted movements, maintain good posture, and avoid loud noises. Add small to medium sized bowls on top of the dishes. Arrange all items to maximise use of the available space and water. Carefully add glasses and cups in an arrangement that nests them together but doesn't block any of their openings. Avoid all clanging, shattering, and splashing. Collect all silverware, pointing knives and other sharp objects in the same direction. Place them in one corner of the sink where they are easy to find by feel through the soapy water, and where they will not become mixed with other items. Ensure that the sharp edges of large knifes are pointed down away from searching fingers.

The Washing

Carefully remove one item at a time, wash it and place it aside. As before, carefully minimise wasted movements, maintain good posture, and avoid loud noises. Continue until all items are washed. When finished turn off the water.

The Rinsing

Drain the sink. Turn the water on again and set it to a reasonable force and temperature. As before, avoid the overuse of water. Set each rinsed item aside to drip dry. As before, carefully minimise wasted movements, maintain good posture, and avoid loud noises. Advanced meditators may be able to turn the water off between each item to minimise water use. This pays heavy karma dividends. Some find that this breaks the meditative process. In this case, do not revel in blame or shame. Simply continue, using as little water as you can. In either case, this is an excellent time to appreciate the wonder of instantly-available, warm, indoor water. Thank the gods of your choice for plumbers.

The Drying

Select a hand towel and dry the items one at a time. As before, carefully minimise wasted movements, maintain good posture, and avoid loud noises. Place dried items in a drying rack or immediately put them away where they belong. Once all items are dry, wipe down the counters and neatly hang the towel to dry.

The Finish

Fortunately, in a world within curved space there is no finish. Your meditation must be continuous. You are truly fortunate to be a trained and thoughtful dish washer. More dirty dishes will arrive soon providing new and exciting opportunities to meditate.