California students can do anything!
Arnold Schwarzenegger rammed through a last-minute requirement for all 8th-grade students to take the California Algebra One STAR test. Until now, teachers could choose between the pre-algebra and the algebra versions of the test. Arnold is quoted as stating that, "California's children have already proven that when we set the bar high, they can do anything."
Given that logic I suppose he'll soon say we can teach everything to everyone, instantly and for nothing. After all, the students have already "proven...they can do anything." Luckily, there are saner voices.
“…I have serious concerns with this proposal on its merits. I strongly disagree with the Governor’s proposal to require all eighth graders to take algebra within three years without also offering any of the support for our school districts and schools to successfully make this major change.”
- Jack O’Connell, State Superintendent of Public Instruction
To demonstrate my utter loyalty to the State, and to honor the obvious implications of Our Leader's pronouncements, I've decided to teach theoretical physics to my eighth grade class. After all, if they can do anything, why limit them to algebra?
We will begin by studying the as yet unverifed assumptions underlying String Theory. The final test will require students to formulate a complete and concise refutation of Einstein's famous assertion that Quantum Theory is incomplete and therefore fundamentally flawed. Additionally, students will be expected to write a substantial, peer reviewed rebuttal which substantially disproves their own work. Extra credit will be given to students who can develop a verifiable Unified Field Theory within the required time limit.
Gum chewing, paper wad throwing, foul language, hair pulling, name calling, and intentionally falling out of chairs will not be tolerated during the test. Coming to school hungry, cold, tired, sick, scared or sleepy will not be accepted as excuses for less than 100% peak performance. This will be a piece of cake for children who "can do anything." I, like Schwarzenegger, expect nothing but the best.
More information
Unfortunately, the above link is no longer valid. It is left here as a reminder of what once was, before powerful political forces removed the evidence of their damaging antics. Luckily, the full text of Jack O'Connell's rebuttal was saved. Here it is.
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